


What We Could Have Lost

by janto321 (FaceofMer)



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Ficlet, M/M, Reflection, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:35:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25778266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaceofMer/pseuds/janto321
Summary: Sometimes Joe thinks about what could have been.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 6
Kudos: 109





	What We Could Have Lost

Sometimes in his dreams, Joe remembers killing Nicky. He dreams about blood spilled on sand and stones. Most of the time these days they joke about it, how they killed each other over and over and until they simply put aside their weapons and talked.

Nicky knows when the dreams are bad. When Joe dreams that Nicky remains still. He holds Joe close, reassuring him with every heartbeat. 

Joe knows that Nicky has those dreams sometimes, too. Eternity is a very long time and while there are no guarantees, the idea of being forced to live on alone was among the worst scenarios either of them could imagine.

Death happened, far more often then perhaps it should have. Waking up again certainly happened more frequently than for most. Always Joe and Nicky would look towards one another. A quiet nod. Reassurance.

No matter the darkness or the danger they needed only to glance over, to reach out and touch, to breathe the same air.

Their lives aren't always violence. Sometimes Joe and Nicky spend a season somewhere, hiding from the world. Joe will paint and draw, Nicky will read, and they'll take the time to ground themselves. They'll stop and watch the sun rise in the morning and Nicky will cook a feast for them in the evening. Nicky teases Joe that it's been a thousand years and he still burns water. Joe teases Nicky that he still can't draw a straight line.

But sometimes the nightmares come, even in these sacred spaces. Joe wakes in the darkness and spoons a little tighter around Nicky. Neither of them planned on eternity, or on a love like this. They were born miles apart, on opposite sides of a divide that would come to dominate politics in that part of the world to the present day.

And yet, here they were. Sometimes Joe wishes they could shout to the world about their love, about how it was possible to put aside your differences and listen. But the world didn't work that way and anonymous poems left on tables was all he could do.

Joe stands at the window, sipping a cup of coffee as the sun rises over the mountains. Nicky comes up behind him and wraps his arms around his waist; he knows Joe hasn't been sleeping well. Soon they'll leave this place and pick up another job, or see what Andy has for them.

They've lived too long to get lost in the past. But sometimes Joe leans back against Nicky and wonders what he might have lost.

**Author's Note:**

> Much thanks to cuda for reading it over. You can find me on twitter and tumbr @merindab


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